I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
