oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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