Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Someone signed my nipple.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
