I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
