There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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