This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
