So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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