just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
