You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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