I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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