I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
