I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Randomize
