Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
