i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
