He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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