I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Randomize
