We won't sleep together?
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
