dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
