she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I am midnight drunk by noon
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize
