I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Someone signed my nipple.
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