My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize