i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
