Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
