This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
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she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
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Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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