'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
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