Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
