1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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