you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize