I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
