I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
