i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
