Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
