I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
