It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
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And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
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Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
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