I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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