nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
