If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I AM VODKA MAN
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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