arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
