He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
