i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
