When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Randomize
