If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Randomize