Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
