i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
