So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Randomize
