apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
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