i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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