i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
