I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
