Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
