she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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