I swear she didn't look like that last week.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
