I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
