jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I am midnight drunk by noon
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
