My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
either way he was missing a nipple.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
