What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
