That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
