so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
