I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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