So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Randomize
