If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
