The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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