I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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