At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
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It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
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saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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