I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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