fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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