I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
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